So, I just read this blog which described the roller coaster of emotions you can experience in the few minutes it takes you to read an email, and it brought back a flood of emotions for me about the adoption wait. Since the road to adoption and the adoption process are quite lengthy, I’ve decided to split up these thoughts into a few different blog entries. All of them will be titled “The Road to Adoption” with a subtitle of what specifically I’ll be talking about in that entry.

Many of you know Husband and I didn’t want to wait to have kids once we got married. We already had Z, and we wanted children we could raise together. When I got the infertility bomb dropped on me 3 months after we got married, naturally we were both devastated, however, I think I was more realistic than Husband about it.

Husband and I BV (before Vincent)  We've never really been BK (before kids) since he's had Z since I've known him.
Husband and I BV (before Vincent) We’ve never really been BK (before kids) since he’s had Z since I’ve known him.

My husband is a wonderful man, but he tends to live in a utopia world in his head. He has had some sheer dumb luck in his past which allows him to think that nothing bad will ever/can ever happen to him. He’s a problem solver. And infertility was a problem he was just going to solve.

Time. That was his easiest solution. We just need to give it more time, wait and see what your body is going to do. Time?!?!?! I was 30, going to be 31 at that time, and my biological clock was ticking! I wanted to be a mom NOW. I didn’t want to wait to see if my period would come. To see if I ovulated that month. To see if all of the doctors were wrong with their “I’ll give you a 1% chance of conceiving a child on your own”. Sure, 1% is a chance, but it’s pretty freaking low. It’s almost as low of a chance as you could get. Time. All I thought in my head was that my time to be a mom was running out.

We did our research, explored our options outside of adoption, went to every doctor, got second opinions, asked a million questions. All the while, time keeps ticking away.

Being Catholic and infertile is a topic for another blog, but that led me to strongly consider adoption above fertility treatments. Husband so desperately wanted me to be pregnant. (I mean, I wanted it too, but once you hear that your best chance for a biological child is less than 10%, you have to shift your thinking.) It took awhile. Lots of fights, lots of tears, lots of other people being pregnant and having babies to finally come to an agreement with Husband that we needed to at least pursue adoption. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I didn’t want to be 40 years old and just starting the adoption process – which could take YEARS! I was ready to be a mom NOW.

Many people were surprised and slightly shocked that we would start the adoption process less than a year after being married, (Just relax, it’ll happen. Don’t worry so much. When you’re not expecting it, you’ll get pregnant. You don’t need to track your cycles. I never tracked, and I have two kids, etc, etc, etc…) but I don’t know how to describe it, I just KNEW this was the way I was supposed to have a child. It doesn’t make the loss any less. It doesn’t make the pain any less. It doesn’t make the wait any easier. It just made sense in my mind. I knew this was going to work. I knew it was our TIME.