Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic


the road to adoption

October 2015 in Review

It’s been a crazy October and so much has gone on both in our real lives and on this blog. In case you didn’t realize, Ryann posts a lot more. I have a lot to say, I just half-formulate blogs in my head and have a hard time getting around to actually writing them. This month I’ve thought about writing about fall, Keely’s first Halloween, and “mom bod.” I can still write about two, but I worry that as soon as I write about my love for fall it will snow. And snow is pretty for all of an hour.

It’s definitely been a fun month. We took the babies and Z to Boo at the Zoo, which was a blast. Babes in costumes might be the cutest thing ever. I recommend Cleveland’s Boo at the Zoo, but if you want treats and to see a lot of animals you probably shouldn’t watch the shows as much…unless jugglers and magicians are more your thing…then go ahead.

So, here were some of our most important blogs of the month:

The Road to Adoption – Part 6, The Hospital

K did not receive any prenatal care while she was pregnant with Vincent, so she didn’t have a referring doctor or even a hospital planned where she was going to deliver the baby, but she knew she wanted to give birth at the same hospital where she was born, but she didn’t know any of the doctors, nurses, or any of the staff there.

I arrived at the hospital (which I won’t name since I don’t have very nice things to say about them) around the same time as K and L did. He dropped her off at the emergency room where the nurses proceeded to ask her all sorts of questions. They put her in a wheelchair and took her up to maternity all the while asking her ‘how do you even know you’re pregnant?’ ‘if you didn’t get any prenatal care, how do you know your due date?’ I don’t know exactly how she felt, but I felt judged, and I wasn’t the one wanting care at the hospital.

After we got to the maternity ward, this very frazzled and not very nice nurse proceeds to treat K like she’s growing 3 heads instead of a person inside of her. She takes a whole bunch of blood and hooks a band around her belly…that was the first time we heard Vincent’s heartbeat. Continue reading “The Road to Adoption – Part 6, The Hospital”

The Road to Adoption, Part 5 – The Call

Monday, April 6, 2015
Husband and I are sitting on the couch with our 15 year old dog, Chewie, who we are going to be taking to the vet in three minutes to put down. We’re both crying, hugging Chewie, and reassuring each other (and Chewie) that this is the right decision. He couldn’t walk, his lymph nodes were the size of baseballs, he’d lost over 20 pounds, and he had “the look”. Dog lovers, you know the look – the look of “I’m ready. It’s ok. The only reason I’m staying alive right now is because I don’t want to make you sad.”

Our old man, angel doggie, Chewie
Our old man, angel doggie, Chewie

Then my phone rings. It’s a local number I don’t recognize, and the only reason I answer it is because I think it’s my doctor’s office calling to confirm an appointment I had in two days. I try to compose myself and say, “Hello?” I hear, “Ryann? It’s LS, from Caring for Kids. I’m calling to let you know that K and L have chosen to meet with you and Husband.”

What??? Then I start crying again. I explain through tears that we’re just about to take our dog to be put down, and I was crying out of sadness, now I’m crying because I’m so happy. We schedule a breakfast meeting at IHOP for Wednesday. It’s going to be K, L, LS (social worker), Husband, and myself. Wow.

Agnes (white) and Lilly (black)
Agnes (white) and Lilly (black)

We spend the rest of the day at the vet and then to a funeral home that does pet cremations. When we came home that night, we loved extra hard on our other dogs, Agnes and Lilly (our foster dog). Continue reading “The Road to Adoption, Part 5 – The Call”

The Road to Adoption – Part 4, The Waiting

This is one of the hardest blogs I’ve sat down to write. If you know me, you know I’m not patient. (Anyone sensing a theme for the road to adoption blogs – Ryann is NOT patient.) And, quite honestly, I’ve tried to suppress those feelings I’ve had during the adoption wait since Vincent has come into our lives. So, digging them up right now to paint the picture with words of just how excruciatingly painful this wait can be is going to be hard, but I’ll do my best because I want to be as honest as possible.

I always imagined I’d feel like a mom as soon as I got pregnant. I’d be carrying life inside of me. I’d be taking care of it, protecting it, loving it from the moment I saw two pink lines on that stick. Then the infertility bomb hit and all of that was taken away from me. What is there left to do but wait. Wait to see what the doctors say. Wait to see if maybe (by some miracle) this month was going to be the month that we beat the odds and made that 1% chance. Wait to convince Husband that adoption was something we needed to look into NOW and not later. Wait while people tell you “as soon as you adopt you’re going to become pregnant”. Continue reading “The Road to Adoption – Part 4, The Waiting”

The Road to Adoption – Part 3, Homestudy: A License to Parent

Attention all moms out there!!! Do you have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen? Do you have smoke alarms in every floor of your house? Did you have every aspect of your marriage/relationship and physical/mental health checked out before you gave birth? Because you might not be a fit mother if you haven’t done these things.   Well, at least you wouldn’t be approved to adopt.

The homestudy process is interesting. Most people think (I thought like this before we started the adoption process) that someone comes in, inspects your house to make sure it’s completely child proofed, safe, and clean. That’s part of it, but the homestudy process really delves into your life (starting even before birth) to now and looks ahead to the future.

To begin the homestudy process, Husband and I had to answer several questions individually about our lives growing up, our personalities, our life together, etc. I know that everyone’s family has its issues, but my husband’s family has more than most. I remember Husband and I talking, and he said, “I hope my family doesn’t mess anything up for us.” ***I feel like I should clarify, most of Husband’s family is lovely, it’s just that the last time he saw his dad (who he rarely talks about, and I’ve never met) was when he was 16 and it was in court because he still owes back child support from then. (Husband is now 35) There’s really nothing positive I’ve ever heard about him.*** There are other issues, but this isn’t the time or place to air dirty laundry…

Continue reading “The Road to Adoption – Part 3, Homestudy: A License to Parent”

The Road to Adoption – Part 2, Agency or Lawyer?

I’m impatient. I don’t take my time with many things. I’m a doer and not a talker. But, thankfully, Husband is the kind of person who does take time to learn about everything, the kind of person who reads reviews before buying a product, the kind of person who gets several quotes before deciding who to hire to do work around the house, the kind of person with the patience of a saint. In short, the kind of person who balances me out. (And consequently, annoys the crap out of me.) 🙂

The perfect yin and yang? :)
The perfect yin and yang? 🙂

How do you start when looking into adoption? Well, google is where we went first. I googled adoption agencies and requested information for some of them. Since I wanted to start right away, I was ready to use the first agency that had a pretty website and people who had written great reviews on the website. Until Husband stepped in and googled some reviews on this agency which were horrible! I mean, people were matched with children who didn’t exist. Families were not given the full medical information of their babies who came to them with diseases, many times fatal, and their infants died within days of placement. Families were forced to sign a contract saying they weren’t allowed to say anything bad about the agency should their adoption fall through or some thing go wrong. It was awful. And I was terrified. Continue reading “The Road to Adoption – Part 2, Agency or Lawyer?”

The Road to Adoption – Part 1, Time

So, I just read this blog which described the roller coaster of emotions you can experience in the few minutes it takes you to read an email, and it brought back a flood of emotions for me about the adoption wait. Since the road to adoption and the adoption process are quite lengthy, I’ve decided to split up these thoughts into a few different blog entries. All of them will be titled “The Road to Adoption” with a subtitle of what specifically I’ll be talking about in that entry.

Many of you know Husband and I didn’t want to wait to have kids once we got married. We already had Z, and we wanted children we could raise together. When I got the infertility bomb dropped on me 3 months after we got married, naturally we were both devastated, however, I think I was more realistic than Husband about it.

Husband and I BV (before Vincent)  We've never really been BK (before kids) since he's had Z since I've known him.
Husband and I BV (before Vincent) We’ve never really been BK (before kids) since he’s had Z since I’ve known him.

My husband is a wonderful man, but he tends to live in a utopia world in his head. He has had some sheer dumb luck in his past which allows him to think that nothing bad will ever/can ever happen to him. He’s a problem solver. And infertility was a problem he was just going to solve. Continue reading “The Road to Adoption – Part 1, Time”

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