October 2015 in Review

It’s been a crazy October and so much has gone on both in our real lives and on this blog. In case you didn’t realize, Ryann posts a lot more. I have a lot to say, I just half-formulate blogs in my head and have a hard time getting around to actually writing them. This month I’ve thought about writing about fall, Keely’s first Halloween, and “mom bod.” I can still write about two, but I worry that as soon as I write about my love for fall it will snow. And snow is pretty for all of an hour.

It’s definitely been a fun month. We took the babies and Z to Boo at the Zoo, which was a blast. Babes in costumes might be the cutest thing ever. I recommend Cleveland’s Boo at the Zoo, but if you want treats and to see a lot of animals you probably shouldn’t watch the shows as much…unless jugglers and magicians are more your thing…then go ahead.

So, here were some of our most important blogs of the month:

• The babies are six months old! Keely | Vincent
• Ryann finished her multi-part posts on the “Road to Adoption”  (linked to the first one)
• Vincent’s adoption was finalized!!!!!!!!!!!
• I had a really awful week (I still don’t like thinking about it)
• I wrote about how the repetitive news of gun violence makes me feel (TL:DR: I hate it)

The Road to Adoption – Part 6, The Hospital

K did not receive any prenatal care while she was pregnant with Vincent, so she didn’t have a referring doctor or even a hospital planned where she was going to deliver the baby, but she knew she wanted to give birth at the same hospital where she was born, but she didn’t know any of the doctors, nurses, or any of the staff there.

I arrived at the hospital (which I won’t name since I don’t have very nice things to say about them) around the same time as K and L did. He dropped her off at the emergency room where the nurses proceeded to ask her all sorts of questions. They put her in a wheelchair and took her up to maternity all the while asking her ‘how do you even know you’re pregnant?’ ‘if you didn’t get any prenatal care, how do you know your due date?’ I don’t know exactly how she felt, but I felt judged, and I wasn’t the one wanting care at the hospital.

After we got to the maternity ward, this very frazzled and not very nice nurse proceeds to treat K like she’s growing 3 heads instead of a person inside of her. She takes a whole bunch of blood and hooks a band around her belly…that was the first time we heard Vincent’s heartbeat.

The Timeline

As our blog is starting to see some traction outside our own friends and family, we’ve decided it may be helpful to have a timeline for those not as intimately woven into our lives. These are some of the key moments that are relevant to the stories you’re reading on this blog.

January 20, 2008: Bridgette and her husband, Derek, become “Facebook Official”

January 23, 2011:  Ryann and Husband go on their first date

September 1, 2012: Bridgette and Derek get married

July 27, 2013:  Ryann and Bridgette meet at a mutual friend’s bachelorette party

December 28, 2013:  Ryann and Husband get married, and Ryann officially becomes Z’s stepmom

March 2014:  Ryann gets the infertility bomb dropped on her

August 2014: Bridgette finds out she’s pregnant

November 5, 2014:  Ryann and Husband publicly announce their plans to adopt

November 10, 2014: Bridgette goes to the ER with complications from hyperemesis gravidarum

November 21, 2014: Bridgette and Derek find out they’re having a girl

January 2015: Bridgette diagnosed with gall stones

March 2015:  Ryann gets the email about a potential baby (which turned out to be Vincent)

April 3, 2015: Bridgette goes to the hospital in labor, but not far enough along

April 4, 2015: Keely Kangaroo is born!

April 6, 2015: Bridgette, Derek and the little kangaroo go home

April 8, 2015:  Ryann and Husband meet with Vincent’s birth parents for the first time

April 14, 2015:  Vincent the Magnificent is born!

April 18, 2015:  Ryann and Husband take Vincent home from the hospital

October 26, 2015:  Vincent the Magnificent’s adoption is finalized!

Finalization Day!!!!

With the magistrate after the finalization!

It’s official!  Vincent the Magnificent has been loved by our family since before he was born, and now he legally shares our last name.  Husband, Z, and I couldn’t be happier to have this wonderful addition to our family.

Today, we celebrated Vincent’s first “gotcha day”, a term used in the adoption community referring to the day the adoption was legally recognized and sealed in the court.  (I know the term “gotcha day” gets mixed reviews within the adoption community, and I do see both sides, but know that I’m using the term in the way I believe it was intended – to be a celebration of life and love, not to diminish the importance of his birth family because they’re pretty amazing.)

The Road to Adoption, Part 5 – The Call

Monday, April 6, 2015
Husband and I are sitting on the couch with our 15 year old dog, Chewie, who we are going to be taking to the vet in three minutes to put down. We’re both crying, hugging Chewie, and reassuring each other (and Chewie) that this is the right decision. He couldn’t walk, his lymph nodes were the size of baseballs, he’d lost over 20 pounds, and he had “the look”. Dog lovers, you know the look – the look of “I’m ready. It’s ok. The only reason I’m staying alive right now is because I don’t want to make you sad.”

Our old man, angel doggie, Chewie

Then my phone rings. It’s a local number I don’t recognize, and the only reason I answer it is because I think it’s my doctor’s office calling to confirm an appointment I had in two days. I try to compose myself and say, “Hello?” I hear, “Ryann? It’s LS, from Caring for Kids. I’m calling to let you know that K and L have chosen to meet with you and Husband.”

What??? Then I start crying again. I explain through tears that we’re just about to take our dog to be put down, and I was crying out of sadness, now I’m crying because I’m so happy. We schedule a breakfast meeting at IHOP for Wednesday. It’s going to be K, L, LS (social worker), Husband, and myself. Wow.

Agnes (white) and Lilly (black)

We spend the rest of the day at the vet and then to a funeral home that does pet cremations. When we came home that night, we loved extra hard on our other dogs, Agnes and Lilly (our foster dog).

Look what I found!

Ryann and I are working on a timeline of events that will go live next week, so I was prompted to find this. This is how I told Derek he was going to be a dad. If you know him, you know he loves video games. This seems so fitting even now, because in many ways I think he approaches being a parent much like he would a video game (left, left, up, right, left). This was folded and put into a game we already had (I believe it was MarioKart Wii). It definitely took him a few minutes, but then he was so excited.

Oh, Baby! (it was saved as a PDF so you have to click on it to open)

This HAS to Stop

This may end up being the most political-leaning post you will see out of me.

I tend to shy away from topics that tend to be polarizing. I don’t do mass-conflict well (it’s one thing I hate about social media).

But after I saw reports of yet another school-related shooting I knew I just had to write something. I had wanted to write one after I saw something last week, but I was so slammed with work and being sick that I never got around to it. I let it drop. I’d hoped that another opportunity wouldn’t come up for a long while. Obviously I didn’t get that wish.

Where are all my stepparents at?

There’s a delicate balance that comes from being a stepparent. You’re parenting a child who has a mother and a father who are both involved in his life, and, in my case, a stepfather as well. Four people parenting one child is a dance, especially if you’re the stepparent.

He’s still a baby here!

Some days I really hate being a stepmom. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I love Z as if I’d given birth to him. I treat him no differently then I treat (or will treat) Vincent as he grows up. I’ve been in Z’s life since he was 3 and now he’s 8. I feel like every single bit of his parent as his biological parents.

And maybe that’s where the trouble comes. I’m not Z’s mom. I don’t mean this in any way except the truth. I’m not his mom. I never will be his mom. He has a mom who is very much involved in his life, and I’m not a replacement. I’m a totally different “mom like being” in his life.

Wake me up when this week is over

This has not been a good week.

I know everyone has good and bad weeks, but this one has been downright painful at times.