Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic


March 2020


I remember when I was 26 and going through a terrible break up, at a job I hated, and generally feeling like maybe life wasn’t supposed to work out the way I wanted it to.  Or that I wasn’t supposed to be happy…like, maybe this is just how life is.  I was talking to someone, and I kept asking why?  Why is this happening to me?  Why am I feeling this way?  Why, why, why?  He told me, “You can’t ask ‘why’ because you won’t always get an answer.  The question you need to be asking is ‘what now?'” Continue reading “Smile”


So, it’s officially been one week since I’ve left my house.  I mean, I’ve gone outside, but I haven’t left my yard or neighborhood.  This is the way of the world now.  This is our new normal.  Shelter in place.  Stay at home.  It’s an order.  It’s a law.  It’s for the good of everyone.  It can and will save lives.

But it also can last a long time and probably will last longer than anyone who is not well versed in the study of pandemics imagines.  I’m trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this will most likely not be “weeks” that we’re talking about but “months”…I don’t even want to speculate “years” because that’s getting way ahead of myself.  Look, I don’t know.  I’m a music teacher who reads the news and listens to Governor DeWine and Dr. Amy Acton (a fricken rock star, I tell you) so I know no more than the average person.  I’m just writing because it’s giving me something to do, somewhere to put my thoughts, an outlet when all else seems lost.  Continue reading “Rainbows”

Get Back in the Boat

Matthew 8:23-27

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

Jesus calms the waters.  He can.  He will.  He does.  Our job?  Stay in the boat.  It’s so tempting right now to jump out and try to save ourselves, to swim away, to nearly drown because it feels like we’re in control.  Continue reading “Get Back in the Boat”

State of the Family

So, I promised a “state of the family” blog post, and here it is – so soon after my last one.  Could it be I’m actually going to be able to write more?

Anyway, as my kids get older, I struggle with telling their stories.  How much should I write?  What should I say?  What’s appropriate for me to share verses what’s theirs to share?  I think I’ll keep this blog for my feelings, and, while yes, many of my feelings revolve around being a mom, I’m not blogging anonymously, so I won’t share anything I wouldn’t share publicly anyway or without my kid’s knowledge and consent.

The short is, our family is good.  We’re all in a fairly good place right now.  We have hit some type of “status quo” with 3 kids, and we’re managing along day to day.  There are ups and downs, but nothing earth shattering.  And maybe that’s ok.

Vinny and Sydney love and fight as only siblings 20 months apart can do.  It seems that at least once a day they’re teaming together scheming against Husband and I, telling each other they are best friends, and also “never ever ever playing” with each other again.  So, typical, right?  I hope they remain this close.  I hope they realize that adoption and biology don’t mean much when it comes to their love for and relationship with each other.

Z is 12.  If you know anyone who is 12 or you remember being 12, you know that three word sentence says more than most soliloquies.  I have a lot more that I could say, but I’ll just leave it at that…

A short update, but good to be writing again.



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