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Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic

Shaking the ‘It’s Not Fair’ Complex

Sometimes life is not fair. Check out how to shake it by clicking the link below.

https://adoption.com/shaking-the-its-not-fair-complex

National Doughnut Day and Adoption!

While you’re eating your doughnut today, check out how I made a connection between doughnuts and adoption!

https://adoption.com/national-doughnut-day-and-adoption

13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side B & Tape 3, Side A

Stalker?
I’m pretty sure I would’ve told my parents if there was someone outside of my window taking pictures. And they would’ve put a stop to that real fast.

This episode seemed to be lacking something. It seemed a bit like the writers were grasping at straws to have 13 different people Hannah felt like she needed to blame. I didn’t feel like there was a lot of depth to this episode. Hannah had a stalker, she gained (and lost) a friend in the midst of one episode, and she doesn’t talk about anything to anyone. And no one tries to talk to her. And once a relationship is strained then it’s apparently ruined forever. This was a little too far from real life for me to reflect too seriously on it. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side B & Tape 3, Side A”

13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side A

Peer pressure
I get that peer pressure is a thing. I really do, but I’m disappointed in Clay for caving. Maybe it’s harder for boys than girls as far as peer pressure is concerned. I remember just telling people I didn’t want to, and most of the time, they left me alone. My mom also always told me that I could blame her if I got in a situation I didn’t want to be in, and I intend to be the same way with my kids. I’ll gladly be the bad guy if it allows them to safely get out of doing something they don’t want to do. ‘Ugh, my mom is so mad at me. I’ve gotta get home now or I’ll be grounded for the rest of my life. She’s seriously the worst.’ I can handle that. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side A”

Please Don’t Label My Child ‘The Adopted One’

My kids are all amazing human beings in their own right. Please don’t label any of them – I don’t! Check out my latest article for Adoption.com by clicking the link below.

https://adoption.com/please-dont-label-my-child-as-the-adopted-one

13 Reasons Why – Tape 1, Side B

After the second episode, I’m liking this series even less. It plays out like a suspense novel, but it still isn’t revealing much of anything to go on. I guess maybe that’s the point…so we feel like we’re with Clay, listening to the tapes and wondering how he fits in. Or wondering why everyone seems so on edge. Or wondering why Hannah even made these tapes in the first place. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 1, Side B”

The 10 Best Quotes for the Adoption Wait

My latest from Adoption.com – check it out if you’re a sucker for good quotes like I am!

https://adoption.com/the-10-best-quotes-when-youre-waiting

 

13 Reasons Why: Tape 1, Side A

So, I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the latest Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, but if you haven’t here’s the basic idea: a girl in high school kills herself and records cassette tapes explaining how different people in her life played a part in her decision. Each person named in the tapes is supposed to listen and pass them on. If they don’t, the tapes will go public and potentially ruin the lives of the people involved.
While my own kids are not close to high school age, my stepson is getting to those tween years, and I teach K-8, so I figured this was an important series to watch to see what my students are watching. My goal is to write a short blog post sorting through my thoughts after watching each episode. I’d like to do one a week, but with kids and life it might be hard…I’ll do my best though.
Here were my initial thoughts on the first episode: Continue reading “13 Reasons Why: Tape 1, Side A”

Every year. 

As night falls over my minute backyard I sit here bawling. Silent and giant tears. Tears of panic and misery. Tears that feel indulgent and necessary.

Every year, just as I think I’m going to get through another April without the overwhelming pain of losing a parent too young, it hits me. Some years it takes until April 30, and some years, this one included, it hits a bit early.

I know it’s in large part because of the book I’m reading.

[spoiler ahead–but not one you wouldn’t know early on]

I loved Liane Moriarty’s Big Little Lies (and the subsequent HBO series by the same name), so as soon as completing that one I jumped into her The Husband’s Secret. I’ve had a harder time getting into it, but as nicer weather and the ability of reading outside became a reality, I slowly got into it between Keely’s bedtime and my own. I’m nearing the end and the pain of the characters have become my own. As one character mourns the premature loss of her daughter, I think of my own.

But I don’t give way to thoughts of losing Keely at a young age. That’s self-indulgent and too painful. I’ve pushed them as far away as possible. I have no experience in that. It’s unfathomable. It’s a construct of my imagination.

I do have experience in losing my dad at 13.   That is something real to me. It was 15 years ago, but the the pain can still be so completely tortuous at times. Even more so as I project that onto Keely and Derek.

I don’t know or have a reference point for losing your spouse. I only have the loss of a parent. That combined with a parent’s love, makes it so much worse than I ever thought. I take solice in the fact that Keely will never know the hardships I went through as an adolescent…but the reality is I don’t know that for a fact. What if something traumatic does happen to Derek? What if it happens to both of us? What can I say or do that makes it not hurt for her the way it did for me?

As dark has completely fallen on me and my thoughts (and fingers) have run free, I feel a bit better and a bit ridiculous. It is my deepest hope that Keely doesn’t experience losing a parent too young. I want to be jealous that her dad was there for high school, graduations, college, and getting married. I want to always be jealous of the very real bond the two of them share. It’s the good kind of jealous. I feel this jealousy constantly, but when I put it in the context of Keely, it feels right. It feels like what, as a mother, I should feel.

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