Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic


mental health

My Covid Journey – Day 10

Here’s what people don’t get about Covid – the mental toll it takes on you. Sure, the majority of people survive. Sure, the majority of people get mild symptoms. Sure, the majority of people have been sicker with something else then with Covid.

But, since March, the world literally changed before our eyes. My kids know terms like “pandemic” and “social distance”. Schools closed. Businesses closed. Churches closed. Everything stopped.

Now, I will admit, when my kids or I get sick, my anxiety is triggered. I know kids get sick, but it causes me great anxiety when they do. However, most often when you get sick, you rest, take care of yourself, deep clean the house if you’re me, and in a few days when you feel better you go back about your life. Pre-pandemic that’s just what you did. And, ok. Even with knowing about that extra anxiety, I was never especially concerned about germs or crowds or anything like that. I’m an extrovert – I thrive when being around people.

Now, I feel like that’s all changed. This past year has changed me, and I don’t know how or if I will ever get back to where I once was…

Like I said in my last blog, I’m not the type to say “I have the antibodies, let’s party!” I still think there’s something irresponsible about that. Maybe because I’m a rule follower. Maybe because there is inherently something irresponsible about that. Maybe there’s not. I don’t know, but living through this year has made me question a lot of things I would’ve just taken for granted previously.

And being quarantined for most of January has not helped my mental state. Yes, going places is good for your mental health, but at what cost? I want to go places, and maybe now is safer than before because I do have the antibodies and, at least for awhile, I can’t spread or contract Covid, but there is still that anxiety about going anywhere. What is with the risk? It seems like nothing really. Nothing is worth the risk, which I know isn’t true, but I feel like I don’t know how to judge that anymore.

I honestly don’t know when I’ll be comfortable again going to the theatre or even a baseball game. I don’t know when I’ll be comfortable having larger groups of friends over my house. Right now, I want to take zero risks because yes, I survived and yes, I had mild symptoms, and yes, my kids still don’t have any symptoms, the mental toll is rocking me.

I know we can’t live in fear. I understand that, but what do you do when everything seems wrong in your brain? I’ve said that during this pandemic, there have been times of no right choices, you just have to figure out what the least awful choice at the time is and do that.

Maybe this is all me, but after having Covid, and seeing my quarantine time just keep on being extended, I am appalled that there are still people out there not taking this seriously. Sometimes I just want to scream, “stop being so selfish!”

People need to live their lives, and I can only control what I can control. I get it. I really do, but think about how great it would be if everyone was able to take a step back from their own lives and really think about someone else for a change. Maybe we’d all be a little bit kinder and a little less judgmental.

This HAS to stop (but for real now)

Bridgette wrote a post in October of 2015 titled This HAS to stop.  It’s now February of 2018, and guess what?  It hasn’t stopped.  In fact, it’s kept going.  And the result – more kids are dead and nothing is being done. Continue reading “This HAS to stop (but for real now)”

13 Reasons Why – The Rest

So, I decided to stop doing a post about each episode and just finish the whole show and share my thoughts about the entire thing. I decided to do this because, as I mentioned in the last post, I was getting annoyed watching and therefore annoyed writing, and that doesn’t make for good reading.  Here are some of my thoughts on how the rest of the series played out. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – The Rest”

13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side B & Tape 3, Side A

I’m pretty sure I would’ve told my parents if there was someone outside of my window taking pictures. And they would’ve put a stop to that real fast.

This episode seemed to be lacking something. It seemed a bit like the writers were grasping at straws to have 13 different people Hannah felt like she needed to blame. I didn’t feel like there was a lot of depth to this episode. Hannah had a stalker, she gained (and lost) a friend in the midst of one episode, and she doesn’t talk about anything to anyone. And no one tries to talk to her. And once a relationship is strained then it’s apparently ruined forever. This was a little too far from real life for me to reflect too seriously on it. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side B & Tape 3, Side A”

13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side A

Peer pressure
I get that peer pressure is a thing. I really do, but I’m disappointed in Clay for caving. Maybe it’s harder for boys than girls as far as peer pressure is concerned. I remember just telling people I didn’t want to, and most of the time, they left me alone. My mom also always told me that I could blame her if I got in a situation I didn’t want to be in, and I intend to be the same way with my kids. I’ll gladly be the bad guy if it allows them to safely get out of doing something they don’t want to do. ‘Ugh, my mom is so mad at me. I’ve gotta get home now or I’ll be grounded for the rest of my life. She’s seriously the worst.’ I can handle that. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 2, Side A”

13 Reasons Why – Tape 1, Side B

After the second episode, I’m liking this series even less. It plays out like a suspense novel, but it still isn’t revealing much of anything to go on. I guess maybe that’s the point…so we feel like we’re with Clay, listening to the tapes and wondering how he fits in. Or wondering why everyone seems so on edge. Or wondering why Hannah even made these tapes in the first place. Continue reading “13 Reasons Why – Tape 1, Side B”

13 Reasons Why: Tape 1, Side A

So, I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the latest Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, but if you haven’t here’s the basic idea: a girl in high school kills herself and records cassette tapes explaining how different people in her life played a part in her decision. Each person named in the tapes is supposed to listen and pass them on. If they don’t, the tapes will go public and potentially ruin the lives of the people involved.
While my own kids are not close to high school age, my stepson is getting to those tween years, and I teach K-8, so I figured this was an important series to watch to see what my students are watching. My goal is to write a short blog post sorting through my thoughts after watching each episode. I’d like to do one a week, but with kids and life it might be hard…I’ll do my best though.
Here were my initial thoughts on the first episode: Continue reading “13 Reasons Why: Tape 1, Side A”

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