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Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic

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Tony’s Birth Story

On Monday, May 3 I had what I dismissed as a passing thought – “I bet I go to the doctor tomorrow and she tells me I’m going to have a baby that day.” I’d had no consistent contractions and really nothing to base this thought on except the fact that at over 39 weeks I was certainly ready to not be pregnant anymore. So, I went about my day. But I made sure to really enjoy my time with Sydney since it was going to be our last Monday together as just us. Tuesday started off well enough. I got observed at work and then walked to the hospital for my 10:00 doctor appointment. I got on the non stress test machine (because at 37, I am “advanced maternal age” and have these tests as a precaution every week from 36 weeks on) and normally baby shows off for these tests, moving like crazy, heart rate doing what it’s supposed to do, just generally being an awesome baby. Well, Tuesday was the exception – he barely moved and his heart rate stayed steady instead of spiking like it should. They called it a non responsive non stress test and sent me upstairs for an ultrasound to check fluid, movement, and baby’s practice breathing. I had noticed some decreased movement in the previous days (he always moved the required amount, but it wasn’t like he normally moved) and I mentioned that to the doctor, along with the fact that I was nauseous and throwing up the past few days. The ultrasound came back fine. He did what he was supposed to do, so when the tech said, “Let me see if the doctor wants to talk to you.” I figured I’d be scheduling an induction for Sunday (his due date) and going home to see if spontaneous labor started prior to then. But she didn’t say that, she came in and told me it wasn’t an immediate concern, but, essentially, because of the non responsive NST and the decreased movement, she recommended inducing that day because the risks of that were close to zero while the risks of waiting increased the chance of complications.

That was a shock. It took me a minute to process before I asked my questions of “are you sure?” And “what’s the next step?” And (probably most importantly) “can I eat lunch before I come back?” (The answer to that was thankfully yes since I wasn’t having a c section.) I walked back to work and called Nick. I told him we were having a baby today, so he should pack that bag that I’d been telling him to pack for weeks now. I called my mom and made sure she would pick up Vinny from school. I went into my principal’s office and said, “I’m having a baby today!” Then I found both boys and explained to them what was going on and what they would be doing for the next few days while I was in the hospital. Then I went home and talked to Sydney, explained everything, and waited until my mom came over to get Sydney before going to pick up Vinny. Nick and I drove up to the hospital, and I’m pretty sure I was still in shock. For some reason, we started off in triage, but I got hooked up to the monitors and was there for a bit before heading to labor and delivery.

Continue reading “Tony’s Birth Story”

To my child: You were NOT a second choice

Adoption might not be the most commonplace way to grow your family, but I guarantee you none of those children are a second choice in their families. Please read my letter to Vincent by clicking the link below.

https://adoption.com/to-my-child-you-were-not-a-second-choice

A Guide to Parenting a Child with RAD

A fellow police wife and adoptive mom was gracious enough to allow me to interview her about her joys and struggles parenting a child with RAD (reactive attachment disorder.) What she has to say is interesting, informative, and relevant to all people – whether or not you are part of the adoption community.

I take very little credit for this, as most of the words are Lyn’s candid and heartfelt responses to questions. Please click the link below to read the interview.

https://adoption.com/a-guide-to-parenting-a-child-with-rad

The Difference Between Bonding and Love

Before Vinny’s adoption was finalized, once a month we would have a social worker come out to our house to make sure everything was going ok. She talked to Husband and I together and separately. She also talked to Z separately when he was there. One of the questions she always asked was, ‘How’s bonding with the baby going?’ And I always responded that it was going very well, but I didn’t quite get what she was asking. Did I love the baby? Absolutely. Did I want to keep him? YES! Did he feel like my son even though I didn’t give birth to him? 100%. So, sure, I was bonding just fine.

Now that I’ve been pregnant and given birth, I think I understand the question a bit better. Bonding and love are not mutually exclusive. They are both important when raising children, but they don’t necessarily happen at the same time, and that ok. Continue reading “The Difference Between Bonding and Love”

An Open Letter to my Son Before You Become a Big Brother

Dear Vincent,

I wish I could explain everything to you in a way that I know your adorable 20 month old brain would understand, but that’s a daunting task.  So, instead, I’ll write this out so someday you’ll read it and know just how important and special you are to Daddy and I.

I didn’t give birth to you, but the moment I met you I knew you were my son. The first time I held you in my arms and kissed your sweet face, I was in love – deeper and more in love than I could possibly be with anyone.  Even though technically and legally you weren’t “mine,” in my heart you were 100% my son, and I knew I would spend the rest of my life loving you, raising you, helping you, protecting you. Continue reading “An Open Letter to my Son Before You Become a Big Brother”

An Open Letter to Hopeful Adoptive Parents

Even though I have a beautiful family now, I still remember how it felt when I was a hopeful adoptive parent…from baby showers to bitterness, there’s a lot of emotions that can make you feel invisible. I know. I walked in those shoes, and my experiences will forever shape the kind of person and mother I am and continue to be.

To read the letter please click on the link:

https://adoption.com/an-open-letter-to-hopeful-adoptive-parents

I see you hopeful adoptive parents. You’re not invisible to me.

Adopting.org – Adoption Stuff Worth Sharing

You all know I write for Adoption.com – I link most of the articles I write there on this blog as well.  For me, it’s a nice outlet to write for an audience directly involved in the adoption triad, and it keeps me fresh and educated on topics pertaining to adoption.  It also connects me with other adoptive moms, birth moms, and adoptees who share their stories  and experiences.  Vinny is only 17 months old, and I don’t pretend to know how his feelings about adoption will grow and change as he gets older, but being connected with all of these other people who share a love of adoption is a great resource for me.

Well, the people at Adoption.com have created another wonderful resource for any and all people involved in the adoption triad – the website Adopting.org – Adoption Stuff Worth Sharing.  It’s a Pinterest inspired site where blog articles, memes, videos, quizzes,  and more related to adoption are shared.  There’s even a place for you to share your own content (subject to edits and approval) but if you have an adoption story that you think can help someone else, please submit it because chances are, it could end up on that page.  (They just shared my blog about birth moms, and how this pregnancy makes me appreciate their sacrifice even more.)

Give the new website a look, bookmark it and check back often – especially if you are directly related to the adoption community.  Trust me, it’s worth it!

Plank in My Eye

So, I started writing a pretty negative post today about how I’ve been feeling judgment, and I was going to be quite yell-y and probably judgmental myself towards the people and groups of people who I perceived were judging me. Then I went to Mass, and, as it usually happens, I was struck over the head with a spiritual 2×4. The gospel today included this story: Continue reading “Plank in My Eye”

Confessions of a Pregnant Teacher on the Night Before the First Day of School

Well, it’s come again – the beginning of the school year.  I enjoy beginnings, especially the beginning of the school year.  There’s a certain energy when I see all of the kids, tan and smiling, coming in telling me about their summers, so excited to find out who their teacher is and who is in their classroom.  The newness is palpable and the entire school seems to be buzzing with anticipation.  Kids are excited, teachers are excited, parents are excited.  It’s a good time in a school.

And yet there are other emotions besides excitement – anxiety, fear, worry, stress, sadness…  Beginnings are exciting, but they can be scary as well.  For me, I’m a ball of stress wrapped up in a blanket of anxiety, with a pinch of excitement sprinkled in there for those with a refined enough palate to detect it. Continue reading “Confessions of a Pregnant Teacher on the Night Before the First Day of School”

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