Betrothed Babies Blog

Sometimes about babies, sometimes about us, always cathartic



Stage Kissing…And Other Indoor Sports

So, Husband and I have been together for over 5 years now, and in that time, I’ve not done a show where I’ve had to kiss someone onstage…until now. I’ve had my fair share of stage kisses (including my very first kiss when I was in 8th grade!) and, for me, stage kisses are no big deal, however, trying to explain them to someone who is not an actor is hard. You actually kiss someone else, but it’s without the emotion behind it, and it’s just for pretend because you’re not actually YOU when you do it…even though it’s your body and your lips…

Believe me when I say my husband is the LEAST jealous person you could ever meet. I mean, I’m glad he trusts me so much, but sometimes I wish he were a little more jealous. Not that he has anything to be jealous about, it’s just that I think a small, healthy amount of jealousy is good in a relationship. Continue reading “Stage Kissing…And Other Indoor Sports”

Is it wrong…?

Is it wrong to still mourn my infertility as I sit and watch my son laugh and play in his exersaucer? Is it wrong to still feel a twinge (ok, sometimes more like an explosion) of jealousy when friends and family members announce their pregnancy to me? It is wrong to love adoption and be so happy to be a mom but still mourn the loss of the biological children I’ll never have?

I’m feeling conflicted today. One of my dear friends recently announced she was pregnant, and I am SO HAPPY for her. I’m not just saying that. I truly am. But, I’m also jealous. Why can’t I randomly have sex with my husband and find out a few weeks later that I’m pregnant? Why does it work for other people and not for me?

And I know. I know I wanted to be a mom, not necessarily wanted to be pregnant (although, most of the time, the two go hand in hand), and I am a mom. I can’t imagine my life without Vincent in it. I truly believe he was meant to be my son from before I even met Husband. And I’m happy! I love Vincent. I love my family. I love his birthparents. I love my life.

526b9bdb4aa3dc1f22651f6dcaeb6d7bSo why? Why still was I up at night sobbing because I found out happy news about a friend being pregnant? Why can’t I shake the feeling that it’s not fair? That somewhere, someone is raising a large middle finger my way and saying “ha ha ha, look at what all these other people get, and you can’t!” Why does it still bother me? Continue reading “Is it wrong…?”

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