I have a manageable, but terrible, generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve written about it before. It’s not a secret nor is it something I’m ashamed of, but it’s something I wish I didn’t have to deal with. My biggest anxiety triggers: my kids not sleeping and my kids being sick. Unfortunately for me, many times these come as a double whammy. Tonight (or this morning depending on who you talk to since it’s currently 2:30 am as I write this) is no exception.

My husband has been sick with some ‘tummy troubles’ the past couple of days. We take this term from one of Vinny’s favorite books, Dragons Love Tacos. And while (to Vinny’s slight disappointment) no one burned down anything because of tummy troubles, it’s not been a pleasant experience.

Last night, we celebrated my Grandma’s 90th birthday. Just went out to dinner – nothing fancy. We’re having a big party for her over Labor Day weekend. So, the little kids and I joined for dinner. Z is with his mom, and Husband had to sleep since he went back to work today (or yesterday – again, it’s late…or early).  Well, Miss Sydney fell asleep on the way home – which is *usually* great because I’d already changed her diaper and her clothes and then I could just lay her down and she’ll sleep all night.  Wheee!  Except, when I went to get her out of the carseat, it smelled terrible.  Moms, you know the smell.  And as I’m doing a quick inventory of her and her clothes and her carseat, I see the unmistakable liquid poop stain covering half of her shirt.  Oh great.

So, I get her out of her car seat, (she’s still asleep) take her inside, help Vinny wake Daddy up, and now I have to wake Sydney up to change her diaper. Ugh.  It’s gross. A total blowout, and she’s screaming.  Husband is trying to get Vinny in his pjs.  He’s running around naked.  (Vinny, not Husband.  Yikes!)  Basically, it’s just another day in paradise.  We get Sydney cleaned up and laid to bed.  Vinny and I fall asleep at the same time.  Husband goes to work.  All is well.

Until now.  Because someone decided she needed to be up at 2:30 in the morning.  And she won’t fall back asleep.  Cue Mommy’s anxiety.

My mom once told me that everything is worse at night.  Everything seems heightened, and problems that could easily be solved during the day seem 1,000 times worse at night.  I don’t know why, but it’s true for me.  Sydney waking up in the middle of the night is hardly something I’m not used to.  To be fair, normally it’s Vinny waking up in the middle of the night, but my kids sleeping through the night is something of a rarity. (Except Z who sleeps forever, but he’s 11, so…)  So, why does my anxiety flare up?  Probably because it’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m not sleeping and no one is sleeping and and and and…  This is why, the anxiety rabbit hole.

Now, it’s the morning…or really afternoon.  Sydney is fine.  She eventually fell asleep and woke up and is now napping.  And I’m awake, yet tired, but functioning.  And Vinny is fine and everyone is fine.

Except anxiety.  Anxiety sucks.