I wish I could explain everything to you in a way that I know your adorable 20 month old brain would understand, but that’s a daunting task. So, instead, I’ll write this out so someday you’ll read it and know just how important and special you are to Daddy and I.
I didn’t give birth to you, but the moment I met you I knew you were my son. The first time I held you in my arms and kissed your sweet face, I was in love – deeper and more in love than I could possibly be with anyone. Even though technically and legally you weren’t “mine,” in my heart you were 100% my son, and I knew I would spend the rest of my life loving you, raising you, helping you, protecting you.
In your 20 months of life, you have taught me patience and tried that patience. You have given me more reasons to worry and more reasons to laugh than the rest of my life combined. You have shown me unconditional love, and, even though I know Daddy is your favorite, the best parts of my day are the time that I spend with you – reading you books, cooking and having you help, smelling flowers, blowing butterflies, watching you terrorize Agnes… everything you are doing and learning amaze me. I love to watch your brain in action – trying to figure out how to get exactly what you want (even if what you want is something Mommy would rather you not have!) I swear, you have better problem solving skills than most adults.
A lot is going to change in your world in the next few days/weeks/months. You’ll be getting a new baby sister. You’ll be getting a new house. And eventually, you’ll be getting a new babysitter. It’s going to seem like a lot at once. You’re right, it is a lot at once. It’s a lot for Mommy too. And I wish I could explain it to you and know you understood, but that’s hard to do when you’re only one.
You know what’s not going to change? (This will be easier to show you and explain to you.) How much we love you. You will always be my favorite little boy. You are the reason I became a mom, and I don’t take that title lightly. I will continue to play with you and be amazed at everything you do and learn. I will continue to always do my best to be exactly the type of mommy you need, even if it’s not always the mommy you might want. I’ll treat you and your sister fairly but differently. Because you’re different people who will need different types of love. I’ll share your birth story with you, and remind you that you are just as much of a miracle and just as much a part of this family as the child I will give birth to.
I will love you fiercely, with everything I have and everything I am. You are my son, my first love, and my true joy.
I love you,