Well, it’s come again – the beginning of the school year.  I enjoy beginnings, especially the beginning of the school year.  There’s a certain energy when I see all of the kids, tan and smiling, coming in telling me about their summers, so excited to find out who their teacher is and who is in their classroom.  The newness is palpable and the entire school seems to be buzzing with anticipation.  Kids are excited, teachers are excited, parents are excited.  It’s a good time in a school.

And yet there are other emotions besides excitement – anxiety, fear, worry, stress, sadness…  Beginnings are exciting, but they can be scary as well.  For me, I’m a ball of stress wrapped up in a blanket of anxiety, with a pinch of excitement sprinkled in there for those with a refined enough palate to detect it.

How am I going to do it?
How am I going to make it with Husband working nights and getting myself, a 9 year old, and a toddler ready in the morning?
How am I going to keep up with lunches, lessons, homework, playtime, bedtime, extra curricular activities for myself and the boys?
How am I going to go to stand and dance and sing and move around my classroom as my body grows and changes and gets bigger?
How am I going to have enough quality time to spend with Vincent, Z, and my husband?
How am I going to eat my grilled cheese sandwiches at school?
How am I supposed to know what baby Cotton Blossom will want to eat when I’m packing myself lunch the night before?
How am I going to get enough sleep?
How am I going to insure that I’m taking care of myself and resting when I need to with all of this stuff looming over me?

Look, I know people do it.  And I know people with way more stresses and questions in their lives do it.  And while some of my questions may have been silly to you (grilled cheese has been my go-to ‘first lunch’ this entire pregnancy), it’s just that when you’re feeling so nervous, nothing seems silly – everything seems like it’s basically insurmountable.

I know it will be fine.
I will get everything done, or if things aren’t done, I will live with it.
I will be gentle with myself and hope that other people are understanding when I just can’t do what I did before.
I will cherish any time I get with my family.
I will do my best at my job, but understand that it is a job and my family comes first.
I will adjust as my life changes and grows and becomes more beautiful than I could even imagine.
I will pray and know that I can’t do it all without God’s help and the help of others.
I will do my best.  Because it’s all I can do.

But, as I prepare for my first class of students tomorrow as well as Vincent starting back full time with the baby sitter, I will cry – out of excitement, nervousness, sadness, and joy.  Because I’m a teacher.  Because I’m a mom.  Because I’m a wife.  And because I know the importance of those three jobs.