To piggyback off of my most recent post, the fact that pregnancy is so flipping hard makes me even more convinced that birth moms are some extra type of special, amazing human beings. I’ve never hid my feelings that I think birth parents are the most selfless people, thinking for the betterment of their child rather than themselves, but being pregnant gives me a whole new perspective onto this choice.
These women make a choice to carry a baby for nine months. To have the same fears and anxieties as every pregnant women, but probably multiplied with additional fears because they are thinking about putting their body and emotions through the wringer for 9 months and not getting to parent a baby at the end of it. (For me, right now that’s about the only thing I enjoy about being pregnant – the fact that it will end with another beautiful child in my family.) But if I was doing this – taking care of my body and baby and thinking that I might not be the best person to parent this child – I’m not sure how anyone is able to make that choice.
But there are women that do. And I have a son because of one of these brave women.
When you get an email about a potential child, it gives a basic description of the birth parent’s appearance – hair/eye color and height/weight, but I would always try to picture them. What does her face look like when she smiles? Does she have any distinguishing features? What has her life been like these past 9ish months? Humanizing these women, these names and stats you get in an email, makes their choice even more miraculous.
I don’t know how they do it. And I know everyone’s situation and story is different, but the one thing all birth mothers have in common is selfless love. They all loved a child more than they loved themselves. And I know most parents love their children more than they love themselves, but birth moms love their kid and also know they are not (for whatever reason) ready or able to parent them at this time. So they choose another set of parents to raise a child they carried. I know I understood the depth of this emotional choice while we were going through our adoption, but now that I’m pregnant and can physically feel what these women went through for 9 months, I feel on a much, much deeper level the magnitude of their choice.
I have always been forever grateful for Vincent’s birth mom, but now, if possible, I love, respect, admire, and appreciate her even more.