So, I had my second ultrasound. Once again, everything went well. We saw a baby with a heartbeat. I’m carrying life. There’s a little person growing inside of me.
I’ve noticed many similarities between this pregnancy and the previous one, but I’ve also noticed enough differences to continue to be optimistic.
I’ve been feeling more pregnant this time – way super tired and nauseous – something I didn’t really ever feel before. Also, when I went in for my ultrasound, they gave me a due date of 1/6/17 which is what I figured it would be based on the date of my last menstrual cycle. The last time they gave me a due date farther back than I expected which (as I look back on it) makes me think that the baby wasn’t growing as it should have been already.
With both pregnancies I found out I was pregnant close to a very important date honoring Mary in the liturgical year. I’ve been praying quite a bit throughout my entire journey to motherhood, and especially asking for Mary’s intercession. She’s our mother, and she’s Jesus’ mother. Who better to pray to than one mom talking to another? My first pregnancy was close to the Immaculate Conception and this one was in May, Mary’s month, and close to our May Crowning ceremony of Mary. The gospel that day was this:
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn,
while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.
On that day you will not question me about anything.
Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.”
The priest spoke the entire homily on the thought that love without sacrifice isn’t worth the name. I was silently crying sitting at my piano, refusing to look at the children’s choir members behind me because I couldn’t explain to them the reason for my tears.
Isn’t that what being a parent is all about? Sacrificial love? You want better for your kids than you had. You want them to succeed to their fullest potential. I want that for Z. I want that for Vinny. And I want that for this baby I’m currently carrying now. I want them to dream and work hard to make those dreams a reality. And I don’t want to get in the way of their dreams. I want to help them, even if it means a sacrifice on my part. I want them to have the best.
Love, without sacrifice, isn’t worth the name.