I stepped on the scale this morning and a very unpleasant number stared back at me.  Yikes, I thought.  I haven’t weighed this much since after I got out of college, lived back at home, and thought I could eat whatever I wanted, not work out, and be totally fine.  Mind you, I was 22 when that happened, and now it’s 11 years later, and a whole lot easier to gain weight and a whole lot harder to lose it.

Prior to my infertility diagnosis, I started watching what I ate and logging my calories.  For me, that’s the only course of action that works.  I use My Fitness Pal, log my exercise and what I ate, and try my best to stay at or under my calories each day.  When you’re responsible for writing down everything you put in your mouth, those chocolate covered marshmallow eggs seem far less appealing knowing that they’ll quickly bump those calories consumed up, up, up.

Infertility does a number on your life.  Not only are you unable to conceive and birth children, it can send you into a deep depression.  I’m already on celexa for anxiety/depression, and I handle myself quite well for my condition.  I know what to do and have strategies for dealing with the stressors.  I had no strategy for not being able to have kids, except to eat.  And not care what I ate.  I’m a stress eater.  Some people don’t eat when stressed, I eat my feelings by the mouthful.

Well, we decided adoption was the route to go, and so we adopted Vinny.  Since I wasn’t at all concerned about getting pregnant, I started being a little more careful about what I put in my mouth.  I wasn’t as diligent as before, but I also wasn’t as careless.

Then I got pregnant.  So, for the short 8 weeks and 3 days that I was pregnant, I loved eating.  I was starving all of the time, and eating for two…a very tiny two, but still.  It gave me a good reason to eat, and I took advantage.  I didn’t overeat, but I loved knowing that I was nourishing my baby with every bite I took.

Well, we all know how my pregnancy ended, and really, since then, I have cared less about what went into my mouth.  It didn’t help that I’ve been insanely busy at work the entire month of March which means lots of eating out and lots of fast food.

So, starting today, I’m logging what I eat.  I’m making healthier choices about what I put into my mouth, and I’d like to lose 10 pounds by the time I go on vacation in early June.  I’ll weigh myself weekly and use this blog to keep myself accountable.  I’d be happy to return the favor to anyone who may need it!  Let’s get on track to keeping and maintaining healthy lifestyles!

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