Ugh. I’m feeling the negativity today. I looked at one of my Adoption.com articles and read some nasty comments. Comments about how I stole Vincent away from his God given mother. And how they hope he never comes across this article when he’s older because I share my honest thoughts that coming to terms with adoption isn’t easy, and that it’s a difficult road for everyone involved, and that, yes, Husband didn’t want to adopt at first.
But I also said that Husband loves Vincent more than I’ve ever seen him love anyone, and that while adoption might not be the first choice, it’s a beautiful choice, and it’s made us a family. A family that includes Vincent’s birth parents. No, they don’t coparent or share custody or anything like that, but they are absolutely family.
Then I read another article written by a beautiful, young birthmother who also writes for Adoption.com, and there are some awful comments there too! Comments telling her she’s wrong for being at peace with placing her child. Others that say going to prom or wanting to go to college aren’t legitimate reasons for “giving your child away.” And that she’s basically super selfish and should accept the consequences for having unprotected sex and not being ready to have a child.
I’d argue that she did accept the consequences – she had to live with 9 months of carrying a child. 9 months of sacrificing her body and her life for her baby. 9 months of people staring and judging her and her life choices even though they don’t know her. Not to mention a lifetime of sacrifice because she chose the selfless route and placed her child into the arms of people she felt could care for her better than she could. If that’s not accepting consequences, I’d challenge you to tell me how she could’ve done it better.
Why do people feel the need to judge other people’s lives? I was talking with Bridgette about this topic, and she said, “Try to remember they’re anonymous assholes hiding behind a computer screen.” So, ok, fine, but why? Why would anyone want to belittle or judge someone they don’t even know? Why does everyone think they always know best what’s good for all people? I realize these are ridiculous questions with probably no good answer except people needing to put other people down to make themselves feel better. But aren’t we adults? Don’t we understand that everyone has crap in their lives, and we’re all just trying to do the best job we can?
I write to bring back the positivity of adoption. Yes, in the past it wasn’t handled well – orphan trains, shaming women into placing their kids, completely closed adoptions leaving many adults with questions about their medical history, etc., but adoption has come such a long way! They’re learned from their mistakes, and it’s much better now. Is it perfect? No. But is the world perfect? NO! Nothing is perfect, but there’s so much good that can come from adoption, and I hope I can continue to live my life as an example of that good.
I have to remember not to let those “anonymous assholes” dull my shine. My son was adopted. I am an adoptive mommy. I gained two new friends/family members because of adoption. Z is a fantastic big brother. Husband and I have a child we’re raising together, just the two of us. My parents are grandparents. My grandparents are great grandparents. All because of the positivity of adoption.
I’m not so naïve as to expect nothing to change and everything to be all hunky dory all of the time, but I certainly hope that through it all, the beauty and positivity of adoption will shine through!