There’s a quote I came across during the adoption wait which really resonated with me. It says – He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood.
That is so powerfully beautiful to me. My son’s birthmother is an incredible young lady with
strength and wisdom beyond her years. If you think about adoption, the selfish route to take is choosing to parent your child when you know that wouldn’t be the best thing for them. The selfless route is choosing to place your child for adoption knowing he will get the best care he possibly can, but knowing this care will come from a family that is not your own. Wow.
I’m not sure I could have made such a brave, selfless decision if the tables were turned and our situations were reversed. Please know, no child is ever “given up” for adoption. These children are lovingly placed. There is an adoption PLAN made for each child, and no two adoption stories are the same. Birthmothers are (or should be anyway – I’m speaking from my experience working with an agency which was truly wonderful) counseled prior to, during, and after the adoption. They are never forced to make an adoption plan, they are given all of the information and support needed to make the best decision they can for their child.
Birthmothers are unsung heroes. It is truly the definition of unconditional love. To love someone so much, you do what’s best for him. You think of someone else’s needs before your own.
I’m so grateful for my son’s birthmother. It’s because of her that I am a mother. I truly thank God for her every single day.
Not to leave out birthfathers! In our adoption story, we are privileged to know our son’s birthmother AND birthfather. This, legally, saves a lot of headaches because we didn’t have to wait the 15 days (or whatever it is) while the punitive father’s registry is checked. We also know more about our son’s specific medical history. Although, in our case, our son’s birthfather was also adopted from another country, so he doesn’t know his biological medical history, but it’s all ok!
Being a woman, I identify more with the birthmother than the birthfather, but I’m sure the decision isn’t an easy one no matter how you come across it. I mean, mothers carry the child for nine months. They have nine months to think, cry, decide, change their minds, bond, start letting go, etc. They say a man doesn’t truly become a father until the baby is born, so in an adoption that must be very hard, finally falling in love with this little baby, only to sign surrender papers three days later.
All I do know for sure is it’s not easy for anyone in an adoption situation, but I do believe it’s worth it.
I’d like to offer an adaptation to the quote I wrote before, “He is ours in a way that he will never be theirs, yet he is theirs in a way that he will never be ours, and so together, we are parenthood.”